Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

Regret is one of the darkest emotions. It grips our mind and heart about what might have been. Regret focuses on the past—it launches a whole new series of feelings that begin with looking over our shoulder at yesterday, while hanging our head low, ashamed to face the future.

When frustrated by decisions poorly made, and choices unwisely selected, a dear friend in college used to look at me and say, “Shoulda, woulda, coulda.” What an honest, candid way he described the depth 0f regret. We beat ourselves up over what we should have done had we been wise, would have done had we possessed forethought, and could have done if given a second chance. But none of that matters in the here and now.

Looking backward can be productive only when we focus on what we will change and will choose to do differently next time. I count it a special gift in life when I have had the privilege of learning from a mistake. Some of my greatest lessons in life have come from my biggest blunders.

The Apostle Paul knew a lot about regret. Prior to becoming a believer in Christ, he was zealous in persecuting Christians. His goal was to destroy the early church. Imagine how much regret weighed upon him once he became a follower of Christ and looked back upon his former actions. Regret could have rendered Paul completely useless, yet with God’s help, he was able to move beyond his former life. He poured his heart out as he penned, “Dear brothers, I am still not all I should be. But I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” (Philippians 3:13).

How much energy are we committing to trying to forget the past? It requires a considerable amount of mental energy and conviction of heart to let go and move on. If God graciously forgives us for our former mistakes, we must forgive ourselves. It is only in looking forward that we can lift our heads toward the heavens and seek God’s face.